So where better to start than the very moment you find yourself. This blog is meant to be an exercise to learn this WordPress software stuff, but could be an exercise in creative purging as well. Goodness knows words run around my head all day and never seem to find lips or pen to escape through.
So the moment is now, but more precisely, a sunny fall afternoon. The place is a little gelato shop in a tiny village center on the smallest rock in the Caribbean I think I’ve ever spent ample time on. And it is my new home. Not the gelato shop of course, the rock.
It is quiet and peaceful here. Sleepy even. But I can feel my heartbeat quicken and rise in my chest. It’s synced itself with the techno beat I have blaring through my ear phones. Everything else is still, but in my mind it is sweating, pulsating, throbbing, strob light twirling. Synced itself to the pounding of my feet connecting to the ground, hastening to make double time. The wind is at my face and the devil is at my heels. I’m hooked on the high. Sometimes when I’m alone, I sing along so loud I can feel it vibrate my chest and echo off the walls. My heart swells and the word that thumps in my head is RUN. Run. Run. Run.
The needs to run, to dance, and to sing are all probably the same need that brought me to this tiny rock, one in a long list of tiny rocks that came before it, vagabond that I am. I think those wiser than me might call that need something like “inner peace”. I find it in hectic moments when the music can crowd out all the other voices and the burning of your muscles is a distraction from all other pain and your own voice can fill you and push everything else out. But I’m looking for a quieter, still peace. Until I master that mentality, I will get my hit through physicality.
It’s been a bit tough the last few years, to say the least. You come to realize that empathy and offered helping hands are the only things buoying you up on the waves. Even sometimes those hardballs that life throws you, they are gifts too. I let myself forget that for a second and well, Life responded with a sharp kick in the ribs to remind me of my ungraciousness. It can always be harder. It can always be worse. Appreciate what you have left, it’s more than most, and absolutely do not, under any circumstances, let anyone else take it from you. Stupid girl.
I guess this blog will be that journey of learning to find peace in the stillness. I almost feel obligated to, out of respect for those that held me up and for those who see their own struggles in mine. I have to win; it would not be fair to everyone betting on me.
So here’s to running and here’s to dancing and for god’s sake, here’s to singing at the top of your lungs at any and all times, even the sort of inappropriate ones. Here’s to letting the words find a voice and spill. Whoever and wherever you are, babygirl, you’re a star.